Insomnia always wins.

 It's six o'clock in the morning and what have I done all night? Anything but sleep really. I've repeatedly had to tell people that I don't want to know what is being said about me on another blog all day and night. I've had to go back and restore portions of my computer because I had a malfunction and lost a ton of stuff.

And writing? Well let's just say that I'm getting there but slowly. Though, there is one thing that has been bothering me. Let me make a very clear point here about myself that honestly will probably give people more fuel to use against me and make fun of me or whatever may have you. But, I've told many people you know why? Because shit happens. I made a mistake as a kid, I paid the price, it happens.

STORY TIME . . .  YAY!

When I was a teenager, a young one at that around 12, I was going to school in Connellsville, PA. The middle school I went to wasn't in any sense the best, they let kids get away with fights, bullying, threats... you name it. I have never been the person to exactly fit into society if anything I was always considered a "Freak" and often tormented for how I would dress or how little I talked. Back then? I wasn't vocal. I never once tried to defend myself, I never stood up for myself - I let people walk all over me.

Why? Because I was scared. Hell I still get that way, I have social anxiety issues and talking to anyone even online makes it flare up. The only time I rarely have it is if I'm angry but even then.. The after effect is what gets me.

When I was 12... I had a girl threaten me, I ignored her she got mad. She decided that she was going to try it again with a better threat. "If I see you here tomorrow? I'll be bringing a gun to school the next day and no one will have to bother with you anyways."

Know what that made me do? Try to tell one teacher who rolled his eyes at me and become more scared. Take a knife to school the next day, have someone who I thought was a friend report me to the principal and get expelled. Granted it should've went on my record and I should've gone to a 'special' school but he knew I wouldn't exactly do well in that and did his best to not let it go on my record.

I was given the option of going to a school for kids who were troubled. It was full of girls who got pregnant at a young age, boys and girls who were bullies, threatened people or had committed crimes.. or I could just drop out all together.

Considering that back then, I didn't do bad in any classes I felt that it'd be okay if I dropped out. Mom didn't like it.. I did it later on anyways. Because that was the only option I had to go to school apart from taking a few online school classes but they'd only keep me there for a couple of years and as it was they didn't want me attending any sort've field trips and such.

I fucked up. I know I did, and I know I suffer for that mistake. Now here's the fun part. I stopped writing all together for around... 2 - 3 years? I had things I'd written PREVIOUS to that but in that little time lapse, no. I can spell, I can construct a simple sentence. But, I'm going to have grammar errors and I know all the lovely little grammar nazi's of the world will make my life hell for that.

Point of this post? Well frankly this is a more.. personal blog. Not one made to advertise or anything else. I don't care, I don't mind who knows because I'm getting ready to go get my GED and go to college to try and make up for said mistakes. And that my friends is my problem and only mine. But, the main point of this is...

I get people always nit picking things and it makes me not want to write. Someone just HAD to copy paste what someone said to me in a message and really? I didn't need nor want to see that. Let me ignore that shit peace.  It made me not want to write at all today though, until that is anyways I remembered that... A.) Editors exist for a reason!!! B.) I write because I love to not because I care about another persons opinion. (They can hate my work that's fine. I don't care if i'm #1 or #1,000,000,000,000 in the world. If my work is out then THAT is what matters.) C.) If you don't like how I word something you have a choice to not read it, so please, do that. Don't tell me how bad of a writer I am or how I'm the scum of the earth for how I type or anything else.

You worry about you and i'll worry about me. I'm happy with where I am and what I do.. well except for that pillow I bought today -- Listen I don't like MLP and it was the only one they had and mine is well... in pieces.

Anyways.. This is just another day and another sleepless night where I am probably going to go write until I can't focus anymore and then go binge on something like CHUCK or maybe disney movies or something of that sort.