Insomnia always wins.

 It's six o'clock in the morning and what have I done all night? Anything but sleep really. I've repeatedly had to tell people that I don't want to know what is being said about me on another blog all day and night. I've had to go back and restore portions of my computer because I had a malfunction and lost a ton of stuff.

And writing? Well let's just say that I'm getting there but slowly. Though, there is one thing that has been bothering me. Let me make a very clear point here about myself that honestly will probably give people more fuel to use against me and make fun of me or whatever may have you. But, I've told many people you know why? Because shit happens. I made a mistake as a kid, I paid the price, it happens.

STORY TIME . . .  YAY!

When I was a teenager, a young one at that around 12, I was going to school in Connellsville, PA. The middle school I went to wasn't in any sense the best, they let kids get away with fights, bullying, threats... you name it. I have never been the person to exactly fit into society if anything I was always considered a "Freak" and often tormented for how I would dress or how little I talked. Back then? I wasn't vocal. I never once tried to defend myself, I never stood up for myself - I let people walk all over me.

Why? Because I was scared. Hell I still get that way, I have social anxiety issues and talking to anyone even online makes it flare up. The only time I rarely have it is if I'm angry but even then.. The after effect is what gets me.

When I was 12... I had a girl threaten me, I ignored her she got mad. She decided that she was going to try it again with a better threat. "If I see you here tomorrow? I'll be bringing a gun to school the next day and no one will have to bother with you anyways."

Know what that made me do? Try to tell one teacher who rolled his eyes at me and become more scared. Take a knife to school the next day, have someone who I thought was a friend report me to the principal and get expelled. Granted it should've went on my record and I should've gone to a 'special' school but he knew I wouldn't exactly do well in that and did his best to not let it go on my record.

I was given the option of going to a school for kids who were troubled. It was full of girls who got pregnant at a young age, boys and girls who were bullies, threatened people or had committed crimes.. or I could just drop out all together.

Considering that back then, I didn't do bad in any classes I felt that it'd be okay if I dropped out. Mom didn't like it.. I did it later on anyways. Because that was the only option I had to go to school apart from taking a few online school classes but they'd only keep me there for a couple of years and as it was they didn't want me attending any sort've field trips and such.

I fucked up. I know I did, and I know I suffer for that mistake. Now here's the fun part. I stopped writing all together for around... 2 - 3 years? I had things I'd written PREVIOUS to that but in that little time lapse, no. I can spell, I can construct a simple sentence. But, I'm going to have grammar errors and I know all the lovely little grammar nazi's of the world will make my life hell for that.

Point of this post? Well frankly this is a more.. personal blog. Not one made to advertise or anything else. I don't care, I don't mind who knows because I'm getting ready to go get my GED and go to college to try and make up for said mistakes. And that my friends is my problem and only mine. But, the main point of this is...

I get people always nit picking things and it makes me not want to write. Someone just HAD to copy paste what someone said to me in a message and really? I didn't need nor want to see that. Let me ignore that shit peace.  It made me not want to write at all today though, until that is anyways I remembered that... A.) Editors exist for a reason!!! B.) I write because I love to not because I care about another persons opinion. (They can hate my work that's fine. I don't care if i'm #1 or #1,000,000,000,000 in the world. If my work is out then THAT is what matters.) C.) If you don't like how I word something you have a choice to not read it, so please, do that. Don't tell me how bad of a writer I am or how I'm the scum of the earth for how I type or anything else.

You worry about you and i'll worry about me. I'm happy with where I am and what I do.. well except for that pillow I bought today -- Listen I don't like MLP and it was the only one they had and mine is well... in pieces.

Anyways.. This is just another day and another sleepless night where I am probably going to go write until I can't focus anymore and then go binge on something like CHUCK or maybe disney movies or something of that sort.

Camp NanoWriMo 2015

 So if any of you know anything about Camp NanoWriMo, you know that it's just one of those things that a lot of Authors find themselves doing. I being one of them. I seriously, seriously wish though that there were more than 24 hours in a day and 30 days in this month. Sincerely I wish that. I have about 20 book covers to finish this month if not in a few weeks and I have to also make time for friends and family if I shut them out anymore than I already do well..

That'd just be bad regardless when you think about it truthfully. But, here's where I get upset the most. It is almost April 4th, and here I am sitting around trying to get the words to come out for my story (Frankly I may start writing it in pieces just so what comes to mind is written down and i can put it together later.) and where am I at word count wise? Well i'll show ya!

UGH! Sometimes I absolutely hate how my brain works. Tiny bits of over 10 different novels every other minute. But, someone told me that it's good for you to write down any parts that come to mind because it helps get the creativity flowing and you can always put a book together based off snippets you wrote you just have to know the order and.. well if you're coming up with it? You SHOULD know! 

So here's to hoping!!

Another day, another idiot.. joy

So upon checking things out after writing a bit I cam across a slew of drama brewing on Justine's page. Not only that now but after a few hours they all snapped at me and decided what she says is the real deal and what I say is lies or rumors. Funny since Justine directly messaged me all of this shit. Now on top of that Justine is stating that my company is getting a lovely post on her blog where she basically bashes people and says its for the good of everyone. Alright.

See, I know I should've shut up but there's this issue with me where if i feel threatened or you're treating me like shit for no reason other than because you're behind a screen and can I snap. I attack and I get mad. I didn't do anything really though that should get me in trouble. Sure if I look like an ass then I do, but you know what? I didn't start this. I didn't attack any of them, I didn't go after any of them or anything else. 

I do not need this and guess what? IF posts do go up like they're claiming now then that means I can finally go through with what I had planned because i'll actually have all I need for it. So,thank you and yes, I'm sure you can find "Dirt" on MHP but guess what?

That was when MHP was owned by Jamie Hutchinson. My mother, yes, but me and her are NOT the same person and do not THINK the same way let alone run a company the same. When someone buys a company or wishes to use a name that was once used and it's with a new owner that generally means it's being re-vamped which MHP is. If someone doesn't like that then you know what? Good for them. They made a choice that's nice.

But this is my company, and I'm re-opening it and if anyone tries to shut it down or get its name soiled because you can? Then we're going to have some words and I will contact anyone with the proof that I have about what's been going on if they try at all to report me to anyone. I do know how things work. People are sick now a days and just like to watch others burn for pure joy and that is a sad thing to realize. 

EDIT: 

The funny part is i'm aware of who messaged me and in fact in the first post? It's listed who it is. And I can easily take screen shots from my phone or even forward messages on FB to these people but if they wish to not believe me? That's there fault.